CROQUET BREAK
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|  | Ask Uncle Fred #29
Hey Uncle Fred,
We recently played an interclub against the All England Lawn Tennis and Croquet Club (Wimbledon). Apparently, they were touring the Colonies at Lord Clem’s invitation. It was a bit strange, having to break at 3:00 for High Tea, but those cucumber sandwiches aren’t half bad. I do need to file a complaint about their style of play, however. On almost every shot, they insisted that everyone stand completely behind them, completely out of their peripheral vision. This started to get in my head, and I played a bit less than my normal stellar game. I thought I might even things up by blasting the music of “Hamilton” on my Boomer Boom box, but that got shot down immediately. Well, they won, but I think it’s because they were constantly chastising us. The next time they visit, it’s sweet ice tea only, no more Earl Grey with milk and sugar!
Signed,
Croquet Rock Star
Dear Croquet Rock Star,
I usually try to steer clear of subjective topics, but you bring up a good point. Technically, when the striker is preparing to shoot, everyone else should be “silent, stationary and out of sight.” No one disagrees with the “silent and stationary,” but the “out of sight” kind of varies with the striker. Whether it’s golf or golf croquet, a few folks don’t want you anywhere near their peripheral vision, and they are within their rights to insist upon this. I myself have a bad habit of walking toward my next shot after striking so as to speed up play. Sometimes, I’m still moving while my opponent is lining up their shot. I need to work on this. So long as you are silent, stationary, and not standing in your opponent’s direct line, they probably won’t object, but if they do, abide by their request.
Signed,
Uncle Fred | ===============================================================
| Ask Uncle Fred #30
Hey Uncle Fred,
I’m beginning to think they use a different set of rules in England than they do over here in the good old USA. Lord Clem, Humphrey, Alligator Dundee, and I were quaffing a cold one after a recent match. Out of the blue, Humphrey says, “Mr. Rock Star, I’ll wager a Guinness against your Jack Daniels that you can’t answer this question.” Lay on McDuff, says I, and off we go. Which of these four situations is NOT a fault?
- You touch the mallet head with your finger during a shot while swinging forward.
- You strike the ball with the mallet shaft, like hitting a billiard shot.
- During the stroke, you guide the direction of the mallet with your foot.
- During my shot, the wind blows my shoelace onto another ball, but it doesn’t move.
Well, Humphrey has a real smirky expression on his face, but I’m not falling for this trick question. With supreme confidence, I declare that they are obviously all faults! “Quite regrettable, sir, but #3 is quite legal, Guinness all around, if you please, innkeeper.”
Puhleeeze!🙀
Signed,
Croquet Rock Star
Dear Croquet Rock Star,
Once again, you have fallen into Humphrey’s carefully laid trap, and, of course, he is correct.
- Fault. You can touch the mallet head during the backswing, but it must not be touching during the forward swing. Rules 11.2.1 and 11.3.2
- Fault. You can’t lie on your stomach - or in any other position - and strike the ball with the shaft. This is Rule 11.2.3, which usually applies to bevel shots, but it applies here as well.
- Clean! Rule 11.2.2 does not include touching a mallet with a foot (other than kicking, hitting, dropping, or throwing), so this is not a reason to fault a stroke. I will admit I’ve never seen anyone do it, though.
- Fault. Rule 11.2.8 establishes a fault when a player, while in the striking position, touches another ball with any part of his body. The glossary defines the body as any item worn by the player. If you are wearing long pants, make sure they won’t flop around and touch another ball, so please, no bell bottoms.
Signed,
Uncle Fred | Author’s Note: This one is guaranteed to generate calls to have Uncle Fred keelhauled or hung from the nearest yardarm or walk the plank, and yes, I’ve been reading a lot of C.S. Forester novels lately. This rule interpretation comes from Question #65 of the Croquet England Rules Quiz which I have quoted verbatim. Nonetheless, I feel this needs a little clarification. There are ten, and only ten, faults in Golf Croquet, and they are listed in rules 11.2.1 to 11.2.10. The only one that pertains to this situation is rule 11.2.2. It’s a fault if you, while in the striking position, kick your mallet at the ball, throw your mallet at the ball, drop your mallet on the ball, or hit your mallet at the ball. In this scenario, the striker is just guiding the mallet with his foot. Imagine standing on your left foot with your right foot resting upon the back face of the mallet while you gently guide it forward towards the striker’s ball. This does not constitute a fault, according to Croquet England. I tried doing this myself and damn near toppled over onto the ground. Knowledge of this, never actually seen, arcane rule is only good for one thing: winning a bar bet, which Humphrey has admirably done.
P.S. I might add that this rules interpretation is not universally agreed upon. | | Uncle Fred (Heald) is a native Floridian and longtime Naples resident. He and Diane and their two doodles now spend the summer in Sky Valley, just west of Highlands, NC. With great reluctance, he was introduced to Golf Croquet a few years back and the rest is history. At least now he has an excuse for his poor golf game. He does take a keen interest in the rules. He recently became a certified GC level III referee, primarily to call out his opponents during his Saturday money game. Please feel free to submit potential topics to fheald@comcast.net, but they won’t make it into the Croquet Break unless Fred can make it fun. That’s the whole point! |
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The views and opinions expressed in the Weekly Croquet Break are those of the article authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of the United States Croquet Association.
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