Ask Uncle Fred #27
Gentle Readers,
I now include several completely unasked-for Pro Tips inspired by true events.
1. When you request a referee, raise the mallet shaft, not the mallet head skyward. You might get a visit from Morgan & Morgan if you pop your opponent on the head as you lower it.
2. When demonstrating a brush shot, make sure your friends are well away from your follow-through. (Sorry, Lee.)
3. We all admire the Egyptian style of play. If you are thinking of trying to emulate it, please don’t clip your ankle on the downswing, or you WILL be visiting the Emergency Room.
4. Speaking of which, please be mindful of the consequences of missing that big Egyptian clearing shot. You might pose a real threat to other players, spectators (including my dogs), adjacent hedges, and cars in the parking lot.
5. What does Cheryl Bromley always say? “Don’t Walk Backwards!” Nobody wants to go on Injured Reserve because they rolled their ankle on a croquet ball. To this, I will add “Beware the Wicked Wicket”. I recently witnessed a friend gash his calf on a wicket. Incredibly, he wrapped it in gauze and an Ace bandage and played on, blood-soaked sock and all! After the match, he drove himself to Urgent Care and received eight stitches. Now, THAT’S dedication!
Signed,
Uncle Fred
Author’s note: If you are new to AUF, you can catch up on all past columns on the USCA website. There you can revisit clueless but well-meaning Croquet Rock Star; his wife, long-suffering Brunhilda; Alligator Dundee; Lord Clement; and his Manservant Humphrey. Go to croquetamerica.com. Click on News and Media, then Croquet Break. You will be prompted to log in. Click on Weekly Croquet Break 2024 on the left. The first edition was on 2-21-24. While there, you can catch up on all past editions of the Weekly Croquet Break, the Croquet News Magazine and the Monthly Newsletter. Click on Croquet Articles for 33 excellent articles on rules, techniques, strategy, etc.
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Ask Uncle Fred #28
Hey Uncle Fred,
Despite you denying my last 13 rules appeals, I have another one. Brunnie and I were playing Clem and Humphrey. My red ball was parked three feet in front of hoop two. Blue tried a mighty clearing shot from behind the hoop and missed me. I estimate his ball was traveling at about Mach 2 and was headed towards another zip code. I immediately stepped up and ran the hoop. Instead of “great shot, dear husband,” Brunnie is staring at me with daggers coming out of her eyes. Humphrey is so giddy he can barely contain himself, “ghastly luck, old chap, red is to be replaced, and no hoop is scored and it’s black to play.” Well, black does, in fact, clear me into the next zip code, we end up losing the point and the match. Do you mind explaining what, in the name of all the Croquet Saints above, just happened? Brunnie has been eyeing me with malicious intent and I’m a bit worried.
Signed,
Croquet Rock Star
Dear Croquet Rock Star,
Apparently, everyone but you was aware that the blue ball was still merrily rolling along when you ran the hoop. You are guilty of violating Rule 12.1: Overlapping Play. You probably had your back to the blue ball and were frothing at the mouth to score the hoop. Humphrey’s ruling is correct. Appeal #14 is denied; however, I applaud your creativity when it comes to finding new inspirations for Ask Uncle Fred. Brunnie has also asked me to inform everyone that visiting hours for her husband are 5-9, Monday through Friday.
Author’s note: This is a particularly egregious violation and the penalty is severe. I have seen this happen more than you might think. Sometimes a player is so dialed into their next shot that they step up and shoot while the last shot is still rolling. Note that this penalty would not apply if the striker’s ball had rolled off the court.
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